Your Will, Not Mine

“I have to figure it out!”

“I have to get my life in order.”

“What am I supposed to do with my life?!”

Thoughts that have haunted me for the last decade and a half. Twelve-year-old me thought she had it figured out. “I’m going to be an architect.” Sixteen-year-old me doubted. Seventeen-year-old me was completely lost. “I don’t know what to do or where to go…”

Post graduate school, I was closer to “figuring it out” in the sense that I realized I am not called to figure out my life. I recognized that God has a plan for me. I begged Him to tell me what it was.

I grew frustrated, even disappointed and ultimately depressed. I believed I wasn’t living up to my potential. I believed I had failed. I thought I’d failed my parents, my younger self and my future self. Worst of all, I thought I had disappointed God. He had done so much for me and I had just squandered it all away. I looked at my life and thought, “Jesus didn’t die for this.”

Not my will, but your will be done.

This morning, I read John 5. When speaking to the Jewish leaders, Jesus stated, “I can do nothing on my own…I carry out the will of the one who sent me, not my own will.” (John 5:30)

I’ve been so focused on my dreams, my expectations, my goals for my life. I have tried to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life through my own means; personality quizzes, career assessments, etc. Hear me when I say I am not dismissing those – they can actually be really helpful – but what I did not do is recognize that my God CREATED me. The Creator knows exactly what His creation has been made for. I was looking for answers in man made systems and resources, instead of seeking God. “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” (Matthew 6:33) God will give me everything I need if I only seek Him first. Of course, we do not develop a relationship with God only for what He can give us, but as His children, God desires to bless us. He does not want us to live in frustration, disappointment, fear or depression. He delights in us. I believed lies of how God viewed me for way too long.

My desire for not only the new year, but for my life as a whole, is to follow the will of the Father. Even Jesus said that he cannot do his own will, but God’s will and God’s alone. God created me, ordered my steps and designed a life specifically for me, far better than I can ever imagine.

I hope that you will join me. Let’s submit our desires, our wishes, our goals and dreams and lay them at Jesus’s feet. Let’s seek our Creator and ask Him what His will is for our lives. Once we hear from God, may we have the courage to trust in His plan and obey Him. I truly believe we will be more joyful, blessed and be a blessing to others because of it. We may not know what is next or where we are going, but we know who is leading us along the way.

Happy New Year! I love you and Jesus does too.

#newyear #potential #depression #life #plan #God #Jesus